we broke up and he got another girl pregnantwe broke up and he got another girl pregnant

The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. Even SCOTUS pointed that out. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed Me - Bolde This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. A douchenozzle? Doesnt matter if it has a sign on it that says dont shake takes arms off if explodes!. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. My Ex Had A Baby With Someone Else And Wants Me Back female It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. Chuck Pelto Is that pretty much it? Add your answer to this question! If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. And is this letter for real? April 10, 2012, 5:59 pm. It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. You dont get to badmouth this woman just because she wont get an abortion that YOU and your boyfriend want her to get. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. We should use it more often. lets_be_honest It doesnt make sense. If a woman is raped and aborts a child, there is nothing to support. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Now? That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. It may be more than a coincidence that your girlfriend or wife announced she was pregnant right after you broke up with her. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. ReginaRey Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. hes signing up for sex, not fatherhood. The sex was good. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. He didnt marry you. Anyone would be angry in this situation. Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. A month after we broke up, she started a new guy. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A 2. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? Whats your personal experience with forced fatherhood, no say over an abortion or crippling child support? Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. Well, maybe not your life, but your happiness and security do depend on it. April 10, 2012, 12:44 pm. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. She asked what to do with this guy. Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship I dont know what he told her within those two minutes but obviously it worked cause now yeah. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. iseeshiny Since you obviously cant formulate a cogent argument on the merit of these laws in response to my questions (as it doesnt interest you), I wonder why you keep going out of your way to engage this conversation. Are you sure you are not living in a cheap novel? You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. 9 Feelings Everyone Experiences When They Find Out Their Ex Is - Romper Its interesting how none of these comments address that he SPECIFICALLY said that he would have nothing to do with his own child. They should act responsibly. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. Cant say Id give one to a stranger but intercourse with a stranger isnt my cup of tea either. Steve Kellmeyer And should. Malarky. Have whatever sex you want. James Felix Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. Hey I have a novel idea. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. April 10, 2012, 10:27 am, Okay Well, I dont believe the LW has a right to be mad at anyone, simply because her and her boyfriend were broken up when this happened. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. SpaceySteph I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. ColorsOfTheWind the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Im surprised that so many people here are assuming that just because a guy has sex and gets a girl pregnant, he undergoes an immediate 180* like a Sim changing their clothes and becomes a devoted, excited father-to-be. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? But now no one wants to deal with it. I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! Someone else has assumed it. . I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Answer (1 of 11): I am an older lady. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. Ive seen malarky thrown around quite a bit in this thread. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. Barely nine months after we said our final goodbye, he was the father of a baby boy. Its a difficult question. And how can you be mad at the woman? But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. And that isnt fair either. I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . Steve Kellmeyer So it sounds like the mom here mustve been in a postiion to want and/or raise a child. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? Cookie Notice Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. How about equal right for, you know, everyone? I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. In the same situation currently. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, it happened to three women I know. He hadnt. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. Is it 100% fair to men or women? Please. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. For whatever reason that may be. Women Who Got Pregnant From A One-Night-Stand Share What Went Down No. Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. It is my biggest pet peeve when a woman blames the other woman for her boyfriends stupid actions. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. Women are more easily able to get custody? Its fucking simple. Is that your position, or am I misinterpreting it? It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. OH MY GOD!! Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. lets_be_honest Steve Kellmeyer April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. She has every right to be shocked and upset about the turn of the events, but the way she is reacting; blaming everything on the woman, judging her, calling HER names, is wrong and she comes off as an immature, witchy teenager. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. It could fail. I completely agree. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. I dont think anyones saying that. SpaceySteph But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. And yes, women do use the laws to trap men into financing their lifestyle of choice (as a single mother). Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. hamster van beethoven At least, as a woman, you have that option. Hes made a choice. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? So yes, if she is trying to trap him, he should be furious at her. First, if you cant live without someone, why did you need a break? "Cry, vent and . Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. Im just trying to clarify the parameters here. Should I leave my GF because she's pregnant by someone else? Everyone experiences the ups and downs of a relationship differently, and the same goes for breakups. reader, marissa0916+, writes (26 August 2015): A I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. Dear Bossip: We Broke Up And He Got Another Woman Pregnant Ask Dr. Sherry: 'My Fianc Got Another Woman Pregnant, Now - Essence And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Steve Kellmeyer This is always the risk and Id wager 2% of people or less would actually take the time to ask anything about a potential pregancy before the stick gets dipped, My personal philosophy due to the current legal malarky is I need to know their standing on what happens if contraceptives fail and, if they would keep the child, is the person somebody I could see myself staying withboth of those things usually require me to know someone longer than 2 mins., Not JUST due to the legal malarky..I was too focused on getting that word in. She didnt rape him. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? Thats seriously not cool. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. honeybeenicki Whos the daddy? Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. At the time, he said he would wait years for me - until he could be with me. I get what youre saying. April 10, 2012, 2:42 pm. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. P.S. But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. Doesnt interest me. While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. His right to bang someone without protection could end badly and in this case it did. I know one 40yr old lady who got pregnant after having her tubes tied. Thanks for the clarification. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. You seem too whiny for most womens taste. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. The guy had sex (presumably) without a condom with a woman that (he at least believed) was on the pill. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . BACKFIRES! The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. reader, Silent wing+, writes (10 February 2010): A Ill never understand the chicks who want to blame/curse/fight the other woman like the dude has no part in the whole mess. Boy, for someone who cant live without you, he sure didnt wait to go out and sleep with someone else! He should get a damn vasectomy. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. Maam, hes made a choice. It was unplanned and a . Ill never leave you. He made his position very clear very early on. So go control them all you please. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. I had no idea. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. But, in reality it takes two to have sexual intercourse and two people to make a baby. First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. That should have been the end of it. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? Dont care to be properly identified? After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. He didnt expect that to happen. April 9, 2012, 2:39 pm. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. Does that make him an asshole? Abortion is safe and legal, right? Remember that episode when Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he freaked out because they used condoms? It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. Any woman who cant see the pleasure in such a sacrifice is too selfish to be in a relationship. She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. Dude, thats seriously out of line. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. kerrycontrary Iwannatalktosampson She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . He doesnt want anything to do with his child? And you want to marry this guy because.why? So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. The woman also gets to choose to keep the baby if she wants (even against his wishes), and gets the added benefit of forcing an unwitting and unwilling father into servitude for what is completely and totally her choice by your own admission. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Um, yeah. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Some people are correct that the LWs anger is displaced. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. If the woman doesnt want the child, she has that option. Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. Sure. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. lets_be_honest Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. He was able to find someone else to keep him company. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. Holy hell, this guy sounds like a dick. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. The child support goes to support the child. Male rape victims notwithstanding, men control where their sperm goes. Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. This is when we see rebound relationships. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. That is not her fault. You say it takes two to make a baby but somehow its only the man that gets labeled an irresponsible dick. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. BUT. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. Because guess what? I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) Knock it off. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. I must be bloody kidding myself. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Theyve both made their choice. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. LW, your anger is misdirected. The states dont advertise this. I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable?
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